The Importance of One on One

Hiking at Moraine Lake

In many of the parenting articles I have read over the years they have often suggested that as the number of children in your family increased that you should make time to spend with each child one on one. Give them each a bit of time with just you and them, and with each parent individually. Yet as the number of children in the household increases the amount of ‘leisure time’ seems to decrease comparatively as there are more activities, more friends to play with and more things to do in general, like cleaning and laundry!

Where do you find the time exactly? The thing I have learned and been gently reminded of, is that kids don’t need large blocks of time or need to do fancy and exciting things during with you. They just want some time with you, it doesn’t matter to them how long or what you are doing; just that you spend time with them. Of course there are times when they would like to do something a little more involved and exciting (like laser tag, dinner or a movie), but they don’t always need that kind of activity with you on a regular basis. Your one on one focused attention is what they desire.

A prime example of this for me was this past Saturday. I had to take Matthew, my oldest, to pick out his frames and order his glasses. Our optometrist is up in Signal Hill, which is northwest Calgary and a bit of a drive for us. I had the opportunity to do this with just Matthew as D’Wayne had offered to watch the twins while we went.

Luke and Mom

Matthew was super excited to go. I had asked him to shower before we left, washing his hair and even suggested he dress up. He not only did as I asked but combed and parted his hair and put on a shirt and tie! He was bouncing and excited in the car as we drove to the optometrist, his eyes sparkling and chatting about this and that. It is not often that we get to go somewhere and have an uninterupted conversation, as usually the twins are chiming in or have something of their own to say.

He noticed and mentioned how I had showered and put on make-up and I responded, “Well if you’re dressing up then I should too.” He just smiled. Once we got to the optometrist we were literally only there for 10 minutes, as Matthew already knew which frames he wanted and it was just the details to sort out. I was kind of disappointed knowing that our time was so short. That’s when I decided we’d stop at Community Natural Foods on the way home. So we popped over there picking up a ‘few things’ (I had intended on only getting some vegan cream cheese but ended up with a few more items, especially with Matthew picking things up and asking to buy them. And honestly in that store he is asking for dried mangos and cheese, not chocolate bars and candy, very hard to say no).

Even this time in the Community Natural was fun, bonding and a way to continue to get to know each other. Yes he did ask me for many things, of which some I said yes and others no, but it was great. We laughed, we enjoyed.

Chloe and Mom

As I was driving home I realized then that the time I spend with him one on one does not always have to be fancy, simply focused and interactive. I have always made the effort to spend time with just him, either taking him to a movie, going for a walk or playing a board game at home once the twins are in bed. But I realized in that moment that whether it be a trip to the optometrist or a little grocery shopping as long as it’s him and me that was all that mattered. And if I could give him more moments like this, even at home, if only small, that that would make such a difference in our relationship. As I have even noticed that although sometimes I have to fight with him to come and dry the dishes, that once he is there, he is quite chatty and happy and we have some great conversations and connection happening.

I feel as parents yes it is important that we spend one on one time with each of our children but that we need to give ourselves a break and realize that it doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive, just a happy and enjoyable few moments (or more when possible) where we can connect with each other, and remember who we are to each other and in this world. To listen and recognize the beauty in our children and the great gifts that they bring to our world, as well as to share who we are and our wisdom with them. That is connection, that is bonding and that is something we don’t always achieve with all the kids together at once. It is not only rewarding for the child, but will be extremely rewarding for you as well.

Matthew and Mom

Rainy Day Activities

Playing at the lake in Oliver, BC

We have been blessed this year with a very beautiful summer. Many warm, sunny days filled with clear blue skies and days at the lake. Fortunately we have not had many rainy days at all, which has been great for those of us who want to play outside, but probably not so good for the farmers.

When we do have the odd rainy day and as the weather cools as we move into fall, it can be challenging to keep the kids entertained and prevent the inevitable ‘cabin fever’ that sets in from being inside for too long. I have found that having a ‘backpocket’ full of activities for the kids is a great way to keep them busy and you happy.

Here are some activities that I have enjoyed as a child and have used with my own kids to keep us all sane on those rainy days. Of course there are the typical things like watching movies and playing video games, but I always find that it is great to have some creative ideas and activities to engage their minds and imagination, as I feel that being in front of the tv all day is not always the best.

Build a fort

My favorite indoor activity has always been to make a fort. My sisters and I would get chairs and blankets and set things up so that we could then get inside and play all day. We would spend hours setting it up and enjoying it. My kids tend to use the couch cushions and pillows, in addition to blankets to set up their forts. Yes my couch comes apart for a while but the deal is at the end of the day they put it all back together, and everybody’s happy. They have had hours of fun and I have had hours of stress free activity.

Matthew in his couch fort

Kids can also use cardboard boxes to build a fort, this is something that they could leave up for awhile and use if it was in a space that worked for everyone. They can experiment with all shapes and sizes, decorate it with crayons or markers.

The important thing with forts is to let the kids be creative. Let them build it and knock it down a few times, let them use their imaginations. Regardless of what they create ensure it is safe to play in and is under adult supervision.

Play Board Games

Candyland

Also another favorite when I was growing up. We had all kinds of board games, from Monopoly to Pay Day and would often spend all day playing them. We would often set up Monopoly and have a tournament. The game would last all day and Mum never had to worry about what we were up to. There are lots of board games out there for all ages, like Candyland, Yahtzee, Connect Four, etc. that once you get the kids set up they can play on their own or join in.

Create a Play

Have the kids write their own play, assign parts and do a performance. Kids will be very occupied creating the stage, costumes, props as well as practicing the play itself. They can then present to friends and family at the end of the day.

Play Hide and Seek

Who says this is just an outdoor game? Set clear guidelines and boundaries about where they can and can not hide, then let the games begin. You can add a variation by changing the game to Sardines, where only one person hides and then everyone else has to find them. The catch is when you find the person who is hiding you have to then hide with them in that space. This can get very tricky if the space is a little small.

Have a Puppet Show

If you already have puppets, grab them; otherwise, the kids can make their own. They can use brown paper lunch bags and decorate them with markers, glitter, construction paper, etc. You could also use old mitts or sew little hand puppets for them to decorate. I know you are saying “Yes I am going to whip out the sewing machine and make a few puppets for them while they are waiting”. Perhaps have some ready beforehand and just put them away ‘for a rainy day’. They can also make a puppet theatre to do their show in using a cardboard box, blankets or a combination of both. Other great ‘theatres’ could be the island in the kitchen if you have one, or simply standing behind the couch.

Go outside and Play in the Rain!

Yes if all else fails, put on their rainboots, raincoats and send them outside in the backyard. One rainy afternoon we had all 3 kids going crazy by 4 o’clock. They were running around the house screaming and I was ready to scream myself. With an hour to go til dinner, I dressed them and sent them all outside. They had a great time, they ran around the deck, splashed in puddles and just plain enjoyed themselves. The stress level in the house went down, everyone was happier and I was able to make dinner in peace while still watching the kids.

The important thing is to keep on eye on them and make sure they are not getting cold, that they stay close to the house in case they need to come inside if they are. Otherwise let them play and jump in puddles. Challenge them to make as small a splash as possible, then a big one. You can also take out buckets and shovels and they can fill them up and scoop water out. My daughter loves transfering water from one bucket to another, filling it up and then dumping it. She can do that for an hour straight without getting bored or distracted. Who says that just because it’s wet outside that you can’t go out? The fresh air does everyone good and keep us all sane!

Play-Doh Fun Factory

This is just a sampling of ideas of what you could do, there are many other things that kids love that you could do with them on a rainy day, like playing with Play-Doh, various crafts, even some baking. You just have to do a little planning and have some materials on hand, so when it does rain you know what you can do. Believe me, it is worth the time spent planning to have a smooth and stress free rainy day!