The Importance of One on One

Posted on October 1, 2013 by Carmen

Hiking at Moraine Lake

In many of the parenting articles I have read over the years they have often suggested that as the number of children in your family increased that you should make time to spend with each child one on one. Give them each a bit of time with just you and them, and with each parent individually. Yet as the number of children in the household increases the amount of ‘leisure time’ seems to decrease comparatively as there are more activities, more friends to play with and more things to do in general, like cleaning and laundry!

Where do you find the time exactly? The thing I have learned and been gently reminded of, is that kids don’t need large blocks of time or need to do fancy and exciting things during with you. They just want some time with you, it doesn’t matter to them how long or what you are doing; just that you spend time with them. Of course there are times when they would like to do something a little more involved and exciting (like laser tag, dinner or a movie), but they don’t always need that kind of activity with you on a regular basis. Your one on one focused attention is what they desire.

A prime example of this for me was this past Saturday. I had to take Matthew, my oldest, to pick out his frames and order his glasses. Our optometrist is up in Signal Hill, which is northwest Calgary and a bit of a drive for us. I had the opportunity to do this with just Matthew as D’Wayne had offered to watch the twins while we went.

Luke and Mom

Matthew was super excited to go. I had asked him to shower before we left, washing his hair and even suggested he dress up. He not only did as I asked but combed and parted his hair and put on a shirt and tie! He was bouncing and excited in the car as we drove to the optometrist, his eyes sparkling and chatting about this and that. It is not often that we get to go somewhere and have an uninterupted conversation, as usually the twins are chiming in or have something of their own to say.

He noticed and mentioned how I had showered and put on make-up and I responded, “Well if you’re dressing up then I should too.” He just smiled. Once we got to the optometrist we were literally only there for 10 minutes, as Matthew already knew which frames he wanted and it was just the details to sort out. I was kind of disappointed knowing that our time was so short. That’s when I decided we’d stop at Community Natural Foods on the way home. So we popped over there picking up a ‘few things’ (I had intended on only getting some vegan cream cheese but ended up with a few more items, especially with Matthew picking things up and asking to buy them. And honestly in that store he is asking for dried mangos and cheese, not chocolate bars and candy, very hard to say no).

Even this time in the Community Natural was fun, bonding and a way to continue to get to know each other. Yes he did ask me for many things, of which some I said yes and others no, but it was great. We laughed, we enjoyed.

Chloe and Mom

As I was driving home I realized then that the time I spend with him one on one does not always have to be fancy, simply focused and interactive. I have always made the effort to spend time with just him, either taking him to a movie, going for a walk or playing a board game at home once the twins are in bed. But I realized in that moment that whether it be a trip to the optometrist or a little grocery shopping as long as it’s him and me that was all that mattered. And if I could give him more moments like this, even at home, if only small, that that would make such a difference in our relationship. As I have even noticed that although sometimes I have to fight with him to come and dry the dishes, that once he is there, he is quite chatty and happy and we have some great conversations and connection happening.

I feel as parents yes it is important that we spend one on one time with each of our children but that we need to give ourselves a break and realize that it doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive, just a happy and enjoyable few moments (or more when possible) where we can connect with each other, and remember who we are to each other and in this world. To listen and recognize the beauty in our children and the great gifts that they bring to our world, as well as to share who we are and our wisdom with them. That is connection, that is bonding and that is something we don’t always achieve with all the kids together at once. It is not only rewarding for the child, but will be extremely rewarding for you as well.

Matthew and Mom

Luke and Chloe’s First Trip to the Dentist (and tips how to make it a positive experience)

Posted on March 19, 2013 by Carmen

Luke in the dental chair

Last week Luke and Chloe had their first dental appointment. They were quite excited (unlike most adults I know, including me) about going to the dentist, as they had gone many times before when Matthew or I had appointments – so they were familiar with what it was and what happened there.

We see Dr. Evans at Evans Dental Health, a holistic dentist, having switched over to his office a couple of years ago. Dr. Evans is a mercury and fluoride free office and believes that the health of your mouth and teeth are directly related to your overall health. So things like nutrition, supplements and detoxification are available/ discussed in this office.

The staff were great, smiling and friendly from the moment we arrived, the dental hygienists getting down to their level and interacting with them. Luke and Chloe are very go with the flow and fairly adaptable kids, but Luke still turned to me when the hygienist invited them to come with her, and asked me to come along. It’s nice to know as a parent that they still need you.

Chloe was the first to go and hopped up into the dental chair. The hygienist, Holly, explained everything to her as she went along, starting right from the bib that they got to use right down to the dental tools. She explained everything in a fun and engaging way for a child. Chloe was very interested in what she was saying and not only followed direction but already had her mouth open ready for Holly to look at her teeth.

Luke went next door with his hygienist, Salena and had a very similar experience with her explaining things to him as she went and engaging him the whole time. Luke also opened his mouth and kept it open, looking like a little bird, waiting for her to check his teeth.

A child’s first visit to the dentist is a very short visit, with a couple of basic things happening. The appointment is simply to get the child comfortable with the experience and learning what to expect. They tell the kids what’s going on, explaining everything as they go, then they count how many teeth they have, give them a quick polish, if the child lets them, then the dentist comes and takes a peek. That’s it, fairly quick and definitely painless.

Most dentists recommend that your child start coming to the dentist as early as 1 year old or within 6 months of their first tooth coming in. When I asked our dentist they said at about 3 years old – which makes more sense to me. I think as a parent knowing the recommended guidelines, you can decide when is the best time to take your child.

At the end of the appointment both Luke and Chloe got little bags of goodies that contained a new Firefly toothbrush and some flossers. Luke got a whole container of dental floss, which unfortunately was completely unraveled by the time we got home. And they also got a trip to the ‘treasure chest’, which I loved going to when I was a kid and went to the dentist, it was the best part! They chose mini lip balms, which were also destroyed and well used by the time we got home. Chloe just kept putting it on her lips (and it also ended up all over her face). Luke just played with it after one application and I found it in pieces on the floor of the van.

Overall though they had a wonderful, positive experience and were very excited to tell Daddy what they did that day.

If it’s time for your child to take their first trip to the dentist here are some more tips to make their first experience a positive one:

Pick a caring, friendly dentist that makes your child’s first visit a special ocassion
If there is an opportunity, prior to your child’s first visit, let them observe a family member during an appointment. This will help them become familiar with what happens.
Avoid instilling anxiety in the child just tell them they are going to the dentist and leave it at that.
Select an appointment time that is best for the child, usually for young children first thing in the morning is best.

If you can create a first positive experience for your child it will make future trips to the dentist positive ones as well. Even as an adult I don’t enjoy going to the dentist, it’s because I have to hold my mouth open so long and the sound of the drill really gets to me. (If I didn’t have to hear that sound it might be ok) so the more you can do for your kids to make the dentist a positive experience the better. Both Luke and Chloe had a ‘good time’ and I know I will have no problem when it is time to go again.

Dr. Evans does a Candy Buy Back each year at Halloween, where he gives $1/ lb of candy to the kids. We go each year and I think it’s a fabulous idea. Go to his website to find out more.

Luke and Chloe’s 3rd Birthday

Posted on March 12, 2013 by Carmen

Chloe and Luke 1 week old

It is amazing how fast the kids grow up. It seems like yesterday that I was holding 2 little 5 pound babies in my arms and now they have just turned 3! Running, talking, and bouncing with personalities all their own. So much more aware of life, what’s going on and getting so big.

Both Luke and Chloe were very excited for their birthday this year. They ‘got’ what was happening and that it was their day. They knew that they would get presents and started asking for things for their birthday. Luke asked for a police car and his own Playmobil set, while Chloe wanted some jewelry and pretty dresses. They had decided what they wanted for birthday cakes before Christmas – Chloe asking for a kitty cat and Luke a train (which turned into Thomas the Tank Engine specifically).

They enjoyed the balloons and the streamers and knew that when everyone came over it was for their birthday and their party. Chloe dressed up in a pretty dress and Luke in a nice shirt and pants. They looked dapper for their big day!

Even though they were twins, when they were born I decided that it was important for them to be treated as individuals, so their own gifts (though sometimes they get joint ones depending on what it is), their own cards, their own cakes. Which in theory sounds like a lovely idea, except when it is 1 in the morning and Mom is still decorating the cakes!

The cakes themselves were not hard to make, I had made one chocolate, one vanilla; as over the last couple of years I found some good recipes that accommodate our no sugar and no dairy needs. Plus I was able to rent a shape pan from Stir Crazy Fun Center here in Calgary to make Thomas (only $5 to rent it and definitely worth it! I had never used a shape pan before and it is the cat’s meow let me tell you 🙂 It was the decorating that took the longest and this was because of the icing I was using. I have tried a couple of white sugar free icing recipes, which I can then color for decorating. I had found a great replacement for icing sugar, but the icing recipe itself I have not had much luck with. The icings I have found, though they taste great are not easy to work with as far as spreading or pumping through icing bags.

Chloe's 3rd Birthday

In the past I had made a coconut buttercream frosting but found that after a bit of time it got too hard and was extremely hard to work with. It was difficult to spread right from the beginning and only got worse. So this year I decided to try the Wilton icing recipe which uses shortening, butter, icing sugar and a bit of milk – all of which I had replacements for – but I found this icing also extremely hard to work with. Difficult to spread and very hard to pump through the icing bags. Also after time, it got greasy and hard in the icing bags, no longer mixed together. I found the whole experience very frustrating and though I managed to finish the cakes and they looked great I am sure that with the right icing I could cut my time in half and not be up til 1 in the morning decorating!

Luke's 3rd Birthday

Chloe’s cake, bless her, took me 20-30 minutes to cut out and decorate. This was because it was a simple design and I was able to use my sugar free chocolate icing, which is very easy to spread. Thomas was not so easy and it was not the detail it was the icing!

So I am on the search for a great sugar and dairy free, easy to work with, spreadable white icing recipe that I can color to decorate character cakes. I will keep looking and when I find a good one I will share it! In the meantime I will use what I have and see if I can modify them in some way.

If you know of or have any great sugar and dairy free white icing recipes please share them by commenting below.

A Preschool for Luke and Chloe

Posted on February 21, 2013 by Carmen

I can hardly believe that the twins are going to be 3 next week! Walking, talking, running and playing they are truly little people now with their own distinct personalities! Luke is very sensitive, quiet and observant, while Chloe is more robust, energetic and fiesty! They are both cute as buttons of course and are very good kids.

With the approach of their third birthday it was time for me to start considering preschool for them. I know some people don’t believe in preschool -and they say why should I pay to have my kids go do crafts and games when I can do that with them. The reality is, for most of us, do we actually do the crafts and games on a regular basis? The other thing is is preschool is more than crafts and games and has a variety of benefits for your child from promoting social and emotional development, learning to share, making choices, learning how to function in a structured environment and preparing them for kindergarten. And these days there is lots of choice in what preschool you can register your child in.

When we registered Matthew in preschool I just went down to the local one closest to us, looked around, felt happy and registered him. Only now do I wish that I had looked around a bit more and learned more about the different preschools that were available as I feel that there was a better choice and fit for Matthew due to his learning ability. But hind sight is 20/20 and he was my first child etc. So this time, not only did I know when to start looking/ registering for preschool, I took my time checking out a few preschools in the area and touring them all.

I kept it reasonable and looked at 3; and after googling preschools in Calgary selected Leap n Learn, Montessori and Apple Tree to go and take a look. Luke and Chloe got to come with me each time which I feel is very valuable when selecting a preschool for your child. It is important to see how they take to the environment and if they like it there. Also children have a strong intuitive sense, so if the energy is off or negative then they would pick up on and display it right away.

Luke discovering animals

Preschools have really changed now too with many offering 3 hour classes up to 5 days a week. You now provide your own snacks for your children, where as the school used to provide this, but I believe that with the growing number of people requiring special dietary needs that this was the best way to address this. There are specialty programs such as French Immersion or a strong music component, some are more academic (believe it or not) while others are your traditional beginning learning and getting them ready for school. All have their benefits and all have their place and it all depends on the child. The best fit for one child may not be the best fit for another.

One of the things I really liked about Matthew’s preschool is that we could walk to it. I found this to be a great benefit and we walked all through the winter to and from. Being more particular this time, this was one benefit I had to give up if I truly wanted the best fit.

Leap n Learn has a great program, they offer 3 hour classes and a French Immersion option. They also have a great music component.

Montessori is a great program for children who are self motivated and individual learners. The montessori approach is a wonderful one but is not for all children. Their philosophy is that they provide a solid foundation for children as they enter kindergarten. They do not offer music per se, and only a little bit of beginner French once a week.

Apple Tree is what I would describe as a regular preschool. Though it has been voted one of the best preschools in Calgary by Calgary’s Child, I did not find that it stood out. It was just a regular preschool in what I considered a fairly stark environment actually. I don’t believe French was offered here at all. But they do have Sonata Yamaha School of Music come in to do their music component.

Chloe

Needless to say we did not go with Apple Tree, though it was the one we could walk to! For us I felt that Leap n Learn and Montessori were the best choices, and were very close, but ended up choosing Montessori. I felt that it would be a better fit for Chloe especially and that Luke could thrive there as well. I did though choose the Montessori preschool that was a little bit further from us – as there was one 5 minutes away. I caution parents if you are going to do Montessori to still check out a few Montessori schools. Though the program and philosophy is the same, with all teachers being Montessori trained, they are individually owned and run, so vary slightly. We toured the one closest to us and though outwardly there was nothing wrong with it, it was not as bright as the other one, the energy was not as good and overall something just did not feel right. So I went with my gut and we are going a little bit further (15 minute drive) to one that I like and feel better about.

Choosing a preschool is very much an individual decision and I would strongly encourage you to tour a few of them so that you can see and make an informed decision that best fits your child. In summary here are things to keep in mind when choosing a preschool:

Tour more than one school
Tour each school – make an appointment where you can go and see the rooms, talk with someone about the program and able to answer any questions you have. Make sure that the kids can come with you
Consider things like fees, monthly and registration, if there is a discount for a second child, etc.
Is it clean? Bright and with natural light. Do you get a good vibe there? do the kids like it?
What options do they have? 2 or 3 hour programs? French or other language, music
Teacher training – what are their requirements for staff/teachers

Regardless of which preschool you choose for your child it should be one that is the best fit for you and your child. Make sure they are ready, gather all the information you need to make a sound informed decision, use a little intuition and take your time. Don’t dilly dally but don’t rush into it either. You want your child to have a positive experience in a positive environment.

Are you planning on registering your child for preschool this fall? What preschool have you chosen? Please comment and share below.

Luke and Chloe’s First Haircut

Posted on October 15, 2012 by Carmen

Luke's First Haircut

One of the many milestones in your child’s life is their first haircut. Along with their first tooth and first word, this monumental event is one that all parents fuss over and get excited about.

With Matthew, my first child, I was so excited to take him to his first haircut I took him when he was just over a year old. With the twins, however, I waited much longer. They are just over 2 and a half now and I finally took them. I delayed it because Luke had these little curls at the back and I was afraid that if we cut them he would no longer have those cute little curls. And for Chloe, the way her hair was growing in she didn’t really need it.

When you take them is different for each child, depending on how fast and thick their hair grows in and what you as the parent want. It was when Luke started brushing the hair out of his eyes to see, that I knew that I could delay it no longer. Chloe too was doing the same.

I took them to Beaners, a local haircut place for kids. It is decorated in bright colors, has lots of fun seats for the kids to get their haircut in – cars, motorcycles, and animals – and a ball pit.

Now it’s always a concern when you take your child to have their hair cut for the first time about how they are going to react. Though Matthew never screamed or had a problem with his hair getting cut, I was a bit concerned as I had heard many children in there, screaming like they were being tortured and killed. And that is a horrible experience even if it is not your own child.

Chloe's First Haircut

I was lucky, Luke and Chloe were fine. In fact they were excited to go and though Luke may have been a bit quiet and shy, he didn’t fuss and he sat very nicely while the lady cut his hair. Chloe was awesome as well, a little more interactive and smilely than Luke.

Luke sat in the Jeep, Chloe on the dog, and both got great haircuts. Of course Chloe being the girl, got a ribbon and sparkles in her hair, though Luke totally would have said yes to having them to if asked. We took lots of pictures and all went smoothly.

I know it is not always this easy for all children and parents. For whatever reason some kids are just not comfortable with getting their haircut. So here are some tips for parents who are concerned, how to make your child’s first haircut a happy and memorable event.

Chloe an Luke after their haircuts

Go at a time of day when it is best for your child; when they are well rested and fed. We went in the morning, which is the best time for Luke and Chloe.
Go to a place that is for kids; like Beaner’s. The staff are used to and familiar working with children and how they may react. The place is also fun, brightly decorated and has things that are of interest to children.
Tell them where you are going beforehand. If children know what to expect this could make a big difference. Tell them what to expect and get them excited about it!
If possible, have the child watch someone else get their haircut. Luke and Chloe have often come when we have taken Matthew for his haircut, so they knew what it was all about. They had watched Matthew sitting nicely while his hair was being cut, so they knew what to do.
Take a favorite toy for the child. Something familiar to comfort them if they are feeling uncomfortable.

At Beaners, Luke and Chloe also got a “First Haircut” Certificate with a lock of their hair attached to it. Most kids places will do this for your child’s first haircut. It’s fun and it’s nice memorabilia for their baby book.

Your child’s first haircut does not have to be a traumatic event, it is easy to make it a happy ocassion for everyone, including the staff at the hair salon 🙂