5 Minutes for Mom

Posted on January 17, 2013 by Carmen

Chloe, Luke and Matthew

Being a Mom has many duties, demands and challenges, but it also brings us many benefits, rewards and love. My heart just melts when the kids are playing and all of a sudden I turn around and Luke is standing there, he looks at me and says “Mommy I want to give you a hug”, he does and then he resumes playing.

Becoming a parent is job that we sign up for for life, once we are in we can’t decide to quit and look for another, take a vacation or check out. We are there forever, no matter what. But no matter what, we as Moms (parents) need to take care of ourselves so that we can be the best we can for our families. If we are not happy then the family isn’t happy.

I agree sometimes it can be challenging to even find 5 minutes for ourselves, but I have found that with a little creativity, it is easy to do and those little 5 minute breaks, help make the day easy, happy and flowing.

It’s easy to incorporate these into your day (and many of them you can do with the kids so not only do you take care of you, you can do it easily while also engaging the kids)

Breathe – yes we breathe all the time but how often do we stop and take a really deep breath, one that fills the lungs. Deep breathing does wonders for our body and brings us back to a relaxed state. Stop, breathe in for the count of 4 and then release for the count of 4, do this 3 times and you’ll find yourself in a very peaceful state. Even better add a drop of energizing essential oil like peppermint or wild orange in your hands and cup them over your nose breathing in deeply. Doing this will instantly provide you with a natural pick me up.
Dance – moving our body is key to keeping things flowing. Dancing uses your entire body, put on your favorite music and dance away! You can easily do this with the kids but be warned they’ll probably want another song when the first one is done 🙂
Go outside – fresh air does wonders for us. Whether you go for a quick walk, are gardening (getting your hands in the dirt), or you stand out in the backyard for 5 minutes, the fresh air is a great way to regenerate and de-stress. Take a deep breath while you’re out there or do a grounding activity imagining you’re a tree with large roots going deep into the ground (this one especially is fun to do with the kids as they love to imagine and be creative)
Chat with a friend -just expressing ourselves or touching base with another person can brighten our day. A listening ear always helps or just makes us feel better.
Smile -this is so simple but makes such a difference in how you feel. You use more energy when you frown, and if you smile the people around you will smile too. It’s contagious!

Of course it is important to also schedule some longer periods of time for ourselves, without the kids, such as going for a massage, bubble bath, coffee, hike or date with a friend; as we need these too to keep our spirits happy, to regenerate and de-stress and be the best we can be for everyone.

Date Night

Posted on November 5, 2012 by Carmen

On Friday night I stepped out of my comfort zone and expanded my horizons. I had no kids, no date and it being Friday night I decided to take myself out. I went up to the local coffee shop here in Bridlewood, Cafe Crema. They have live open mic music on Fridays and I wanted to check it out.

So I dressed myself up, put on make up, did my hair and out the door I went. Why not dress up for me, why not take myself out? Why should I hole up and stay in when there is a whole world out there? I cannot meet new people and make new friends and maybe even dates, if I stay in all the time. Yes I could have put on my pyjamas, picked up a nice movie and curled up on the couch waiting for maybe something exciting to happen but why? Life doesn’t happen to you while waiting on the couch, it passes you by, you miss it.

The crowd at Cafe Crema was ecclectic, a mix of young and old, well more actually like a lot of young and a few older couples. There were some very cute men there, sadly all with someone else 🙁 but I enjoyed looking at them. There was one fellow in particular, dark hair, gorgeous, way too young… There was even a couple there sitting on the side reading their books, while the musicians on stage sang their songs and played their tunes. I wondered how they could read while all this was going on but to each his own.

I grabbed my latte, sat down on the comfy couch and enjoyed the music. The first fellow was from Nova Scotia, where I grew up and it made me feel nostalgic for the east coast. The next fellow was young and missed a few verses in his songs but was entertaining to say the least (also nice to look at). The last couple, before I left, was a male and female pair who did mostly original songs, which were quite unique, melodic and even a bit out of tune, yet we were all still tapping our toes to the music.

There were more musicians after that but by that time I decided to take myself home. That short time out inspired me to come home and write to share my experience and tell everyone how empowering it is! Yes I have gone out on my own before to a movie or stopped for coffee, but not like this. Not on a Friday night where everyone is on dates or out with friends. It felt really good not to be sitting at home waiting for someone to call, to just go out and enjoy myself and be with others in the world, even if it was just simply sharing a coffee and listening to some music.

Now I don’t think that I would go out to the bar by myself as for some reason that does not seem like a good idea to me, but the coffee house was ok and it felt great! Besides like I said if I don’t get out how will I meet people? And you never know, maybe one night some nice single man will come in and notice me and we’ll strike up a conversation – you never know.

Being newly separated, it’s good for me to get out. It is also very important for me to take care of myself and know what that means for me. It’s ok to do things on my own, and we all need to, whether we are married or single. When we feed our spirits and expand our comfort zones, we grow, we learn and we become more attractive to others in general; because our eyes sparkle with excitement and fun, we’re happy and content with ourselves. And then we come home and are inspired to do other things, whatever that may be. It left me with a great buzz! and it was not from the coffee 🙂

Give Yourself Permission to Take a Break

Posted on September 4, 2012 by Carmen

Ever have one of those days when you really don’t feel like doing anything? Or at least not what you are supposed or need to be doing?

That was me this morning. After a long weekend of camping and relaxation I just found that I could not focus on my work this morning. I had many things that needed to be taken care of but try as I might I could not get motivated to do anything.

I tried the “well if I just do this one little thing then that will be the motivator that kicks it off. Then I’ll be able to easily dive into the rest”. Nope. Did a couple things, attempted another, nothing, nada. I even tried just sitting down and writing and seeing what came up, generated a few ideas and started working on one. Seriously no motivation, no desire, no drive. I could not focus to save my life.

Oh I wrote something, but is felt like a slog, a struggle and a real reach to develop ideas. In fact looking back at it, I cringe as it was definitely not my best work. I could tell that I was reaching.

What I really wanted to do was to go and clean out my front closet. For whatever reason the pull to do this was really strong, and though definitely not an emergency I was really feeling like I needed to do it right now! But I said to myself, no I need to get some work done and a few things taken care of. So I plowed on…

After about an hour of staring at my computer screen and coming up with what I felt was a lot of junk – I gave in. I went downstairs and cleaned the front closet – thoroughly. I remembered reading an article recently where the author was discussing something very similiar, when she felt unmotivated to do things and really wanted to do something else, she did. After a long struggle with herself she finally gave herself permission to go and watch that movie for 2 hours, or read her book. She found that in doing so, she was then able to come back to her work and do it more effectively, efficiently and well.

And I have to agree. Often when I don’t feel like doing what needs to be done, if I stop and do what I really want for a bit then I come back clear, refreshed and motivated. It takes me less time to complete the task and I am much happier while doing it!

I cleared and cleaned out the closet like mad, organizing, wiping things down and washing the floor. As I did so I started to feel better, ideas started to come to me, focus and motivation too. It was like a cleansing and clearing of sorts, not only of the physical closet but for me. The movement allowed me to clear my own energy and whatever blocks it was that I was struggling with. It allowed me to be where I was and in embracing and accepting it I was able to move through it more quickly. If I had stayed at my computer and ‘pushed through’, I can only imagine that I would have been staring at it for another hour feeling even more frustrated that I hadn’t accomplished anything.

When I was done I felt good, I felt ready. I had done what I needed to do and I now felt some motivation, flow and ability to focus. So the next time I am feeling unable to focus and not motivated, I am going to give myself permission to take a break. Go do the thing that is calling to me without feeling guilty, because that is what my body, soul, spirit needs to do right then. It will feed my spirit and lift me up. It will allow me to release or move through whatever it is that is blocking me. It will allow me to be.

I realize there may be times where circumstances may dictate that this is not possible, but I will as much as possible. Cause really when you are struggling through, are you really getting anywhere? It takes you twice as long and you are often tired and frustrated afterwards. I have been told that f you are struggling you are going against the flow (of life) and you should turn your boat around.

So next time you are struggling or feeling a lack of motivation, give yourself permission to take a break. It’s ok. You’ll benefit highly in the end.